On Being Pregnant

I hate being pregnant.
I hate having to pee every half an hour.
I hate that I grew out of my normal clothes (With Mikey I never did)
I hate that I wake up nauseous.
I hate that some days I spend more time leaning over a toilet than being with my boys.
I hate being kicked at all hours of the day.
I hate that I wake up every 45 minutes because my whole side fell asleep.
I hate the mood swings.
I hate people asking me how much weight I have gained- fyi people, unless I bring it up, steer clear of that subject.
I hate that I didn't get to have a baby shower this pregnancy- not for the gifts or stuff but because I miss adult interaction- being sick with a 15 month old leads to a lot of lonely days.
I hate that I can't pick my son.
I just hate being pregnant.

But don't get me wrong- I appreciate it and I do not take it for granted.
I am so grateful that I can carry children full term.
I am so grateful that I am able to deliver naturally.
I am so grateful that even though I get sick, my babies thrive.
I am so grateful that I get to experience this miracle and I do recognize it as one.
I am so grateful that my husband takes such good care of me while I am pregnant- and while I am not- although to be fair, we haven't had a lot of time together without me being prego.
I am so grateful that there are so many people that care enough about me to check up on me.
I am so grateful that I can feel my son kick because it means that he is growing and developing.
I am so grateful that I can't sit for longer than about 45 minutes because it means that I am getting close to delivery.
I am so grateful for indoor plumbing- seriously.
And most of all, I am so grateful that I get to do something as great as raise children. Some days when me and Mikey are having a particularly bad day and he is running around like a crazy person and I just wish I could lock myself in my room and ignore him, I get overcome with this feeling of gratitude for him (such a tender mercy) I look at him and I think to myself, Even if I don't accomplish another thing for the rest of my life, I think I will be satisfied because of him.  Every time he smiles at me, or hugs me, or says mama, I feel one of those terrible pregnant days slip away and it makes it all a little more worth it.

I hate being pregnant. But I love being a mom. I guess life is full of these necessary evils but I can't imagine anything paying back like this one.

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torchl be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
              - John McCrae

Christmas! Snow! Winter!

I am not a huge holiday person. Never have been. I like to spend time with family and eat good food but more than that, not so much. I am not big into decorating (but this year I have been totally into it) and honestly, Christmas to me has always been the least exciting of the holidays. I don't like presents because I am not huge into surprises, and I don't like to give presents because it is hard for me to pick something meaningful.

This year though I am SO excited! I cannot wait for Christmas. We are staying home this year and get to have a fun little Christmas celebration with the 4 of us- because yes, there will be 4 of us. Crazy.

While we were growing up, we had these beautiful red stockings that my aunt made for us. I loved them and there is something about them that just screamed Christmas to me (and I did like stockings, as well as nativities, watching The Other Wise Man, reading the Christmas story from the Bible and singing Christmas music the whole month of December in church) But when my dad got remarried, Michele had these other stockings, also beautiful, that were all part of a set that had the Night Before Christmas on them- each stocking had a phrase and a picture and Michele made new stockings for the Merrill's so that we could all match. She started to make her own patterns that weren't from the poem and that is what mine is.

Here are mine and Jake's- Michele made him one when we got married. Jake's says the moon on the breast of the new fallen snow and mine, not part of the poem, says believe.

 When Dad and Michele came to visit after Mikey was born Michele brought a ton of sewing stuff and we made Mikey a stocking- not going to lie, I was not excited about doing this, I just wanted to hang out and look at my beautiful new baby but I wanted to be nice so I made the stocking. And I am so glad that we made them- I love them and they are actually pretty fun and easy to make (but I suck at binding so that is less easy and fun for me) We finished Mikey's fast enough that we started on one for baby #2- not at all expecting that we would need another one so soon.  I didn't love the ones from the poem so we made up two new patterns. Mikey's says there must have been some magic and Adam's (yes its official, Jake has committed to the name) says sometimes seeing is believing from The Polar Express.

I am so excited that I finished Adam's stocking before we decorated for Christmas because even though he won't do candy or anything, how sad would've it been for him to not have a stocking?!

My next project to do are the Baby's First Christmas ornaments- I didn't do Mikey's because last year we spent Christmas in Hawaii and I didn't have time to finish it and I didn't want to take it to my in laws and then forget it there.

But here is a picture of what I am going to do

only Mikey's will have an M on it with 2011 and Adam's will have an A with 2012. Fun right? I think they will be cute- and if they aren't, then none of you will ever see them!

PS- it snowed today. I LOVE snow. Happy Winter everybody!