Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

We have had a great Christmas over here at the Logan house. We have been so lucky to get to spend time with so much family. My sister Shelly, her friend Paulina, and Jake's little sister Eliza got to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas at our house.. well Shelly is here for longer but the other two were only here for two days. Sadly, we didn't get to do everything I wanted because I am a klutz and slipped on the ice in front of our house and hurt my knee pretty badly (still hurts so bad, getting it checked tomorrow. But really, what are they going to tell me? Oh it looks hurt but since you are 36 weeks pregnant we can't do anything for you. Awesome.)

For starters, on Monday the 23rd we all (being the Logans here in Utah) went to Gideon and Lina's house to have a Christmas dinner. It was quite the feast. We had sushi, salmon parmesan, chicken katsu, and shrimp katsu, chocolate haupia pie and chocolate chip pumpkin cookies. It was delightful. Afterwards we did a little gift exchange amongst the cousins and man oh man, did the babies make out good. 

(Side note, my brother in law, Saili showed us the most hilarious video ever... I can't find the link though. But seriously, so funny. I'll put it on my facebook. Watch it, love it.)

Here are some picture from that night! (sorry to Saili and Eliza, you two didn't make the cut into the pictures.. although neither did I... next time?)

Mikey opened all the presents. I suppose he technically helped but mostly just did it all.

Lina in the official family photo bomber I think. It entertains me.

Malie opening her present from me and Jake. It was a seriously cute outfit if I do say so myself but I seem to have missed the big reveal. Oops.

Adam eating his present from Aunty Abby and Uncle Saili. Seems about right.

Baby Genie with her present from us. The onesie has a really cute little heart on it and such. She'll be adorable.

Malie with her present from Uncle Gid and Aunty Lina. They gave awesome gifts. If they keep this up, they'll probably be the favorites. At least at Christmas and birthdays.

Adam with his Christmas outfit from Jake and I... we got all the cousins coordinating outfits. It'll be awesome.

Genie with her dress from Abby

Mikey trying to open the present from Uncle Gid and Aunty Lina but darn that ribbon, it turned into a knot.

This picture does not adequately express how excited Mikey was about this gift. It is a batcave situation and Adam got little action figures to go in it too. Man, they love it.

Now here are some from Christmas morning! I totally spaced a picture of the stockings and the tree pre presents but that happens. Next year. Luckily this day comes every year.

Mikey and his stocking. Everyone had quite the stockings. Mikey got some batman socks which are pretty awesome, candy, a coloring book, an Avengers ball, and more candy. We went a little crazy.

Adam just didn't know how to handle his stocking. I think he was in awe of all his stuff. (he got the same stuff as Mikey except Mickey Mouse as opposed to Avengers)

This is the toy kitchen Jake and I built- but its actually from Santa! It's probably going to need another paint job some day but still, awesome right? We are planning on getting toy food and different toy dishes but they boys love it so much. Mikey did the whoa face. That's the goal.

The boys enjoying their Santa gift

Santa got the boys a toy wagon for them to ride around in and every time we had Mikey go pick a gift from under the tree he would run to this one and say "This one!" I think he was confused that we didn't let him open it until the end.

My boys in their matching pjs that I made for them

Family picture! I had matching pjs too but we had a miscommunication with the photographer so you don't get to see them. But they look the exact same, except mine are fill length pants unlike Jake's.

Well there ya go! That's the Logan Christmas. We all got spoiled and it was fantastic. I didn't get pictures of Shelly, Paulina, or Eliza but I ended up not taking as many as planned so I didn't miss out too much on the celebrating.

Hope you enjoyed it!

34 Weeks

Yesterday I was 34 weeks pregnant. 6 more weeks until my baby should be kicked out of its current abode and join the land of the Logans. She will have two exhausting older brothers that will love her, if their love for random babies in the grocery store is any indication. She will have two exhausted parents that will love her. She will have bundles of aunts and uncles and cousins. She will have some pretty awesome grandparents that unfortunately won't get to see her terribly often but we work pretty hard to make sure the kids know them regardless.  I am so excited.
Except... I don't have the energy to be excited. I remember being 16 or so and having my random bursts of excitement (if you knew me back then, you would know that they were truly random and few and far between- I was just not that kind of person) and I don't remember it being so exhausting. I have a limited amount of energy and the nightly refill situation that I have had my whole life seems to be a little dysfunctional. (also, did you know you spell dysfunctional with a y? I had no idea- yay for college degrees- it's taking me places)
Today my to do list consists of a few things- deliver presents to my visiting teachees (please, like that is really going to happen); vacuum (but that entails carrying the vacuum down the stairs so that one could go either way); figure out dinner; and take a nap. Wish me luck. I feel good about the chances of dinner but the rest I am just not so sure.

But enough of that. How about an update on my boys?
Jake is great. He finally got a laptop from work which means... drum roll please... he can work from home! We have been having an issue with the fact that I want him to take a week off work when the baby is born but he doesn't want to take that much off because he wants to be able to go on vacation next year- like potentially Hawaii to see his family or to my brothers medical school graduation or even just to Logan for my sister's grad school graduation or Calgary for the Stampede. We are big dreamers. Maybe if we are real lucky, we can do it all. But now he can just take a day or two off if he wants to and then work from home the rest of the time! Fantastic! I am so happy.  Jake is also currently trying to nurture some handy man habits. We are buying tools and just giving things a shot. For example, we are building a toy kitchen for the boys for Christmas. (we are going to say it's from Santa in case it sucks. haha) When my brother was here a few weeks ago, they built some shelves. It's exciting. It was a hard thing for me to marry a guy that didn't do all those Mr Fix-it things that seem to be so par for the course in my family.

Mikey. Well Mikey still doesn't really talk but he is getting so much better. He has expanded his vocabulary to include important words such as Iron Man, Batman, Spiderman, Avengers (kind of), Hulk, Thor, Thor's hammer, Wolverine, Arrow... are we seeing a theme? We love the superheroes over here. Mikey can spot the batman sign from a mile away. Today he found a little piece of a wrapper from some Iron Man fruit snacks- it was just red and he brings to me and is like Mama, look, Iron Man. Holy. How does he do that?  We are also in the delightful stage of not really needing a nap but not quite able to go without. It's a tricky situation but we are trying our best to figure it out. And he is a serious wrestler. Him and Adam wrestle daily, except the other day Adam pinched Mikey's belly button and then sat on him so I think Mikey is starting to rethink the whole practice.

Adam is still huge. Such a chunk-a-lunk. He is almost 1! Just two more weeks. We are going to have our party for him and I am excited to try my hand at the decorating and all that jazz. Jake is being a great sport and pretends to be excited even though I know he doesn't care at all. I think he is upset that we can't do it outdoors. Adam is also walking now which is excellent. He isn't the greatest at it because he has a funky ankle but he sure is enjoying trying. He took his first steps last week Saturday. He still crawls most of the time but he can definitely walk. The best part is he can stand up all by himself. He doesn't need any support so that has definitely helped with the walking I think. He still eats it all and loves it and I find myself being constantly grateful that I don't have to fight my kids when it comes to meals.

Well that's that. Pray for me and my pregnancy. I am so close and yet, it feels so far away.

Thanks for reading. If you made it to the end. It's possible I am getting long winded. ;)

Pictures will happen next blog. I promise. My hard drive is upstairs so, you know, no pictures.

Having it all... Just not by the typical definition.

(I know, I know. I said the next post would be about my house but this is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately and since this is essentially my journal, I am posting about it)

I spend a fair amount of time reading blog posts and articles about being a mom and a wife and how women need to have it all, etc. etc. I don't typically agree with the articles because if you know me at all, I am determined (probably to a fault) to figure things out on my own. I hate asking for help. I don't want to take advice from anyone. I don't want to accept help from anyone. I ask Jake and my dad. That's it. I love a lot of other people but at the end of the day, I don't want their help. I am stubborn and I am going to figure it out on my own. (it's a problem) I recently moved into a really great ward and so many of the sisters in the ward tell me "Oh if you need anything at all let me know. Even if it's just an hour to watch your kids so you can relax." And I am so grateful to them for offering but even as I nod and say thank you, I know that I will never do it. It is so hard for me to ask for help. Especially when it comes to my kids.

I don't profess to know everything or even much about parenting but I do know my kids better than anyone (with Jake being a notable exception) I know how to speak Mikey-ese (poor kid is a terrible talker) I know what Adam's different cries mean. I know what they like to eat for lunch and exactly how Mikey wants his bread buttered, the appropriate cheese to peas ratio for his cheesy peas, or what fork he wants. I know what toy Adam wants to play with, what is his favorite game to play with me. And then when it comes to being Jake's wife, I think I do pretty well. I know how he likes to eat his eggs. I know the order he wants his food stacked on his plate (yeah, I think that's weird, I like my food separate) I know what his favorite movies are, what snacks he likes, how much ice he likes in his water, I know how he likes his keyboard set when he plays his video games. I  know  all these things about my family and I am proud of it. So when I decide that instead of making dinner that night, I want Jake to do it and I will read or watch the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy, I am attacked with almost debilitating guilt. When instead of bathing the kids myself and Jake does it, I feel like I am being a terrible mom, no matter how much I did for them during the day.

I went grocery shopping the other night by myself, which I think has happened maybe 8 times since Mikey was born, and I felt terrible the entire time that I left Jake with both of the kids. He is a great dad. They love playing with him. They love when he changes their diapers and puts them bed. So why do I feel bad?

I can't be sure but I imagine that who I am is Mikey, Adam and baby girl's mom. I am Jake's wife. Don't get me wrong, I am Meredith too but those things are no longer separate entities. Being a wife and mother are crucial parts of my identity. I am photographer. I am a sewer. I am a reader. I am a champion sleeper (which I think I miss the most and it would've probably been the thing I used to take the most pride in. I know, I am awesome) There are other parts of me but the ones I take the most pride in are being a wife and a mother (notice housekeeper is not on this list.. I really suck at that) And I don't think that is a bad thing. But I feel like I should need all these other things to be happy. But I just want to be a good mom. I just want my kids to think I am a super hero (I know that sounds conceited but still, doesn't everyone really?) I just want my husband to want to come home to me. But what is the appeal of a wife and mother that clocks off at 6pm when the husband walks in the door from working all day too? I am not saying that if that is how you operate that is wrong because I am not judging anyone. Do what works for you. I just want to live up to my end of the deal. I want to be as good a wife and mom as my husband is provider. Jake doesn't get to take a day off work just because he is crabby or tired or annoyed. If I expect him to push through, I need to too.  I have this idea in my head (that I think comes from these articles) that I have to have a girl's night every month and one night a week where I am free in order to not lose myself in being a wife and a mother and in order to be a fulfilling my potential I need all those things. I think I feel guilty because I want to be with my boys. I want to bathe them and put them to bed. I want to cook them dinner. But honestly, what is so bad about that? There are a lot worse things that I could lose myself in besides my boys (and soon to be girl) I am proud to be a mom and a wife and I am proud that those are the crucial parts of my identity.

I think that I do get to have it all. Maybe not by the standard definition, but I have never lived my life by anyone else's definitions before so why start now?

Fall Fall Fall!

I love fall!! It is just the greatest season there is, in my opinion. The sweaters, scarves, toques (or beanies for those silly Americans that don't know there is a much cooler term ;), hot chocolate, Thanksgiving- Canadian and American!, Halloween, my birthday, school starting- back when I was a student and still liked school, warm enough that you can go outside but not so hot you get worried about melting, changing colors that make for such beautiful pictures, *sigh* I love it all. I am even willing to put up with the sniffles that I am sure my kids will get every year at this time because I love the rest so much. Don't get me wrong, all seasons are beautiful in their own special way but man oh man do I ever love this one.

Last year I got so excited for fall and I told Jake all these fun things that I wanted to do but we didn't do any. Wanna know why? Because Mikey was barely one, I was pregnant and not doing so hot and we were both still in school. Now I know that there are people out there that can do 70 million things at once and love it but Jake and I, not so much. We are more the let's enjoy the chill and we'll get around to the other fun stuff later. Later in this case being 2013. 

We haven't done a ton of stuff but we did go to Cornbelly's at Thanksgiving Point because it is across the street from Jake's office. Jake was sick and the boys were just getting over their colds and I was having some serious prego pains but I demanded. I know, maybe not the most responsible but in years to come, we won't remember the pain and the sick, just the memories.

We got our friends to come with us and it was so great. Here, I'll let the pictures tell the story!

(but before that, a big part of wanting to go was that I had a coupon. Would hate to see that go to waste)

Mikey and his little friend Elsie sitting on the giant rocking chair at Cornbellys. They are a crazy pair and it's pretty amazing that we got this picture of them at all.

Mikey staring off at the tractors. That boy loves big trucks and tractors. I guess that he got some Merrill blood in him after all. He also loves Batman. Like doesn't want to wear anything besides one of his Batman outfits everyday. Awesome. (My favorite it when he tells me about how Pop-pop is Batman. My dad (aka Pop-pop) must be so thrilled but maybe a little sad that his secret is out?)

Mikey loved these. He wasn't tall enough so Jake had to hold him up but I think that it still counted.

I married a seriously cool man. Enough said.

The John Deere tractor. With, I kid you not, the brattiest kids ever in it. They were in there for like 15 minutes and there was a line of all these little kids wanting to play but these little punks wouldn't let anyone in. Like hitting and screaming not letting anyone in. I was unimpressed. But don't worry, Mikey eventually got a turn when Jake took him up instead. He can pretty intimidating to a 5 year old I imagine.

Mikey in the wheel. Awesome.

They had all these little wooden trains and trucks that were also playground situations. Mikey and Elsie loved it.

Adam was such a little champ. He just sat in his stroller most of the time and clapped and pointed, yelling out dada or mama when something was very exciting.

Family picture! Mikey wanted to play and was pretty upset that we made him take a picture. Adam was staring at some guy with food. That guy.

Adam was good to stay in the stroller but once we let him out he was crawling over to anything he thought might be food. We feed this kid but geez, he's a bottomless pit I think

Our friends! Elsie, Ryan, and Haley. Thanks for coming team!

Adam in the corn maze. Our stroller is not really made for the off-roading we did at times but Adam handled it like a champ.

Mikey and Elsie led us through the maze. Turns out the 5 minute kiddie maze we went through has a hole in it that connects to the big maze. Yeah, we went through there and all of a sudden it was much more complicated and longer than 5 minutes. But a nice employee helped us find our way back out.

They had this cool cow train ride thing and Jake, being the champ dad he is, squeezed into one of the carts and rode it with the babies.

 It was such a fun night, topped off with some jumping at a little jumpyard at the Cornbellys for the kids and JCW for dinner.

I hope that we get to do something else fun soon but who knows. I do have a list though, number 1 being the Norman Rockwell Scouting exhibit at the Church History Museum. I think it'll be awesome.

Well for those of you who care, the next post will be about my new house, with pictures included. And if you're really lucky, it'll be before the end of November haha.

This picture is not related to the post at all but seriously how cute is this kid? We had lasagna for dinner on Friday during the football game and this is Adam after I had already used 3 baby wipes to do a "pre-clean" before his bath. Hilarious.

A Bad Day Turned Around

Today started out not great. I had terrible nightmares last night, the boys were crabby and I had to drive down to Orem which is not that big of a deal except that I got lost about 5 times this morning, driving around Orem. American Fork, Saratoga Springs, and Eagle Mountain. Awesome. But then. on the way home from picking up Jake, we decided to stop at Smiths and chicken was on sale for 69 cents a pound! Not going to lie, chicken sales put me a good mood for a few days. Then we got home and someone cut our grass! So nice of them. We really needed to but we don't have a lawn mower and Jake was going to try to borrow one this week but someone beat us to it! We are so grateful to whoever did this for us. I hope we find out who so we can somehow return the favor.

Since the day turned around, I decided to blog. When I'm crabby and I blog, I don't normally publish them- my mood is too strong in the writing. There aren't pictures of the house yet but when stuff is put together a little more I will post about that too I am sure.

So we moved to Eagle Mountain September 12th and we are so glad. We love it! Our house is nice and big, we have a great yard. The two best things about our house- the dishwasher and the toyroom. Yeah, you read it right. We have a room in our house dedicated just to the boys toys. They don't take toys downstairs (we have 4 downstairs toys) and it's so great to not have to chase those silly little toys all over the house. Plus our ward is so excellent. The first Sunday we went we met so many people and they are so friendly. Jake really likes the Elder's Quorum president and the Relief Society president made me feel so welcome and I am so grateful that we decided to go to this ward instead of our other options. 

I included a few random pictures documenting what we have been doing since we moved- which is mostly nothing- except I have unpacked a ton.

watching Ratatouille. I had never seen it before but it was on ABC Family so I recorded it for Mikey and now he won't stop watching it. And it turns out, I don't think it holds up. But Mikey, Jake, and Adam like it so I am outnumbered.

My little ham.

Adam is always eating. Seriously. He eats everything. And now he was 2 teeth and has 3 coming in. Poor guy is a terrible teether.

Adam at his cousins 1st birthday party- which was so fun. Way to go Abby. I think that you might have not made enough food though haha.

Mikey was throwing a fit- one of those charming terrible two ones they talk about so I asked him to help me make brownies. He was so  good- he held the cup measures and stirred it for me. What a good help. (I promise he had fun, he is just very serious about his jobs)

Isn't he just adorable? And huge? He is like 24 lbs. Way to go buddy.

A picture showing us at our finest. Can you see my baby belly? I am 23 weeks along... I think. Turns out when you have been pregnant 3 times in three years you lose track of weeks.

Here are two pictures of my latest project. It is a little pillow seat for the boys. I am going to make another one, I just ran out of time during naps today. It has a little handle and Mikey has already taken to dragging it around the playroom.

I am proud of it. Yay for PInterest. And thanks to Aunt Cheri for pinning all those sewing projects- that's how I find just about all of them.

Update. A pictureless update.

So I can only get the photo uploaded to work about 5 percent of the time which is seriously annoying. I think that my computer has a virus- you'd think that since my husband is a professional computer programmer, he would fix but geez, that guy is just so busy.

So here is just a plain ole boring pictureless update

Jake
Has a huge deadline at work so has been working crazy hours. Let's see, its Friday afternoon and he has already put in about 50 hours and he will probably still put in about 14 more hours. Awesome. One of the other programmers is working on getting him some time off next week because he has worked so much. I can dream but in reality, it probably won't happen.

Me
Just as sick as ever. Lately, I have been crazy sick which is unfortunate, especially since Jake is working so much. I am having loads of cramps and pains but it's okay because I am almost half done my pregnancy! And then, hopefully, we will take a bit of a break. But thus far, it hasn't really worked out that way. We have been packing a lot, and we are probably about half done- mostly just our clothes and food is left. Go us. We are moving in 8 days which is insane, especially since we don't know when we will get possession of our house. We are waiting on this loan and they don't allow updates which is annoying. But we are being patient and just hoping that everything will work out.

Mikey
Well, he's two. That says a lot. He is crazy and needy and loud. But still adorable. He is constantly giving hugs and kisses to me and Adam which is adorable. Yesterday, I was sick and laying on the couch and Mikey came up and patted my head and kissed my cheek. It was so cute, not terribly gentle, but still so sweet. He is slowly putting some words together- the other day he said Mama, where Dada. I was very proud. He has pretty much just said Mama since then but still, he is gonna figure it out. He has a comprehensive hearing and speech test on Tuesday so we will know how damaged his hearing is and how severe his speech delay is. Wish us luck.

Adam
Crawling all over and quite the little bully. The other day, Mikey had a toy and Adam took it, and then held Mikey at arm's length while Mikey screamed but he couldn't reach it. So funny but kinda sad. He is a squawker which is pretty cute. He gets incredibly excited for when Jake gets home from work and can pull himself up to standing and will take steps when we hold his hands. We are proud.

Well there ya go. Hopefully one of these days I will be able to get the photo uploader to work. I probably won't post again for a while. But the next post will probably be sharing the baby's gender! Care to take guesses? Jake says it's a boy and I have truly no idea.

Mikey turned 2!

On Saturday, our big guy turned 2. I can't believe it. How can he be two already? Also, to add to the craziness, my oldest is 2 and I am 16 weeks along with my third. Yeah. Nuts.

When I asked what he wanted for his birthday, every time he told me "Dada". Lucky for him, Jake didn't have to work on Saturday so he got the whole day with him!

It was a fun day. We just had a simple party- Provo Splash Pad and then a barbecue in the backyard. Originally we were only going to invite family but then the more we thought about it, the more we realized that we wanted to share the day with our close friends outside of the family too. (and on Monday we went and saw Planes for his birthday. We were going to go on Saturday before the party but I got lost on the way home from picking up the cake. So, yeah, we missed it)

He made out like a bandit with presents. Let's see if I can list them all- a toy piano, two books, a Toy Story cell phone (that he carries around in his shirt- thanks to his Aunty Hannah haha), a Jake and the Neverland Pirates matching game, a playdo book, bath toys, Nerf balls, bubble gun, a bike, a fabric alphabet book, toy dinosaurs, and I cannot think of anything else- which means one of two things: I named them all, or my pregnancy brain. That's all. 

Unfortunately, I forgot my camera when we went to the splash pad but I still got a few pictures from the day.

The night before his birthday, I blew up a ton of balloons and let him outside his door. Sadly, the helium didn't last quite long enough but he still loved it.

Our younger big guy, Adam getting stuck in the balloons. Poor buddy is a mover but not great at steering.

Ah, this cake. My great friend Mandy from Baking with Blondie made the cake for us and it was so cute. But then I drove it home in my crappy car that shakes all the time and it settled so the beautiful cake didn't look as great. But it still tasted great- and I don't even like cake. Chocolate with coconut filling.

I tried to move the cake back to the center of the plate with a spatula which Mikey found and sucked on it for about 10 minutes. 

Toy piano from his dad!

He loved the bubble gun and pretty much didn't want to open anything else so he could play it.

Mikey's grandma was in town and bought him a bike for his birthday! He loved it, until he fell off, now he is much more hesitant. But we are working on it.

It was a great day and it is so much fun to celebrate it with our great family and friends. Too bad the rest of them couldn't have been there too!

Introducing...

Baby Logan #3. Coming soon (ish-- Jan30 2014) to a hospital near me.

Well there's the news. We are expecting our third little munchkin. And before you all wonder and want to ask, yes we were planning on it and expecting it.
Wish us luck! It's a big adventure but we think we are up to the task.

(For some reason, I can't get the picture upload to work on blogger so the ultrasound is on facebook instead)

Here's to the Bad Days

Ever have a bad day?
Like everything seems to go wrong? Or even worse, doesn't even start out right?
That was Monday. I felt a little sick, I was exhausted from all the traveling (so grateful to be home by the way- the trips were great but there is nothing quite like home), overwhelmed by the mess from partially unpacking and getting distracted by my kiddos who kept screaming. It was bad. Not the worst ever but still hard.
All day I was constantly praying that if I had to go through today, at least could tomorrow be better? I tried to change my attitude. I tried cleaning and when that didn't work out, I tried to distract myself from the mess. I tried to play with my kids so that we would all be happy. The bad news is, my day didn't get any better. The good news is that my prayers were answered.
Tuesday was much better. The boys were good, my house was reasonably clean- let's be real- it's still a little messy- I can't make two and half weeks of traveling go away in a day and a half.
Tuesday was a great day because I know that Heavenly Father answered my prayers. I know that He knows who I am and what I need. If I am just humble enough to ask for help, if it is what is best for me, He will help me. Everything in my life, if I live right, will make me a better person. Life has been tricky- it is for everyone- but I am quite pleased at how I have turned out. I am still a little moody and I have an edge but overall, I feel good about who I have become and while it is daunting, all the growth that is in my future will be good too.
And another thing I learned from Monday- one bad day, or even a bunch in a row, cannot negate the great things in my life.
For example...

I think that looks pretty great.
So here is to the bad days because they won't be around forever and they help us know that good ones will be coming.
Here is to the bad days so we can better appreciate the good ones.