The Grass is Green on Both Sides

I recently found out that a friend of mine has a great opportunity to go study abroad because she won a grant. Awesome. I am so excited for her. And yet, sad for me.
Ever since I was 7 years old I have actively dreamed of going to Europe and with each new development in my life, that dream fades into the background while my life is slowly filling up with laundry, dishes, diapers, kids, and the like. Don't get me wrong, I love those things.. well I don't love dishes or diapers or laundry... but I do love clean clothes, clean kitchens and clean babies.
One time I was talking to my sister Shelly about life plans and how life doesn't always go the way we plan. Or really ever but how that can be a good thing sometimes too. [When I started at BYU I was going to graduate with a degree of Secondary Education and teach at some junior high out east (I am not sure why but thats what I wanted) and live all myself for a year or two and then if I met someone, get married and if not, well then I wouldn't get married. Simple as that. Instead, I am almost graduated with a degree in Art History, married with two kids and as such definitely not living alone. Sometimes I am amazed at how little I knew myself and where I would've wanted to be 6 years ago.] I asked if that upset her that her life was not where she always planned and, very enthusiastically, she responded with "heck no!" Another time, I was talking with my brother Jeff and he said that it's naive to assume that multiple pathways in your life couldn't make you happy.
I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I don't have any regrets, at all, ever. I love Jake, Mikey, and Adam. I loved what I studied in school and I loved the people that I met because I switched into AH. But what if Jake and I hadn't got married? What if I didn't change my major? What if I lived in Connecticut or Rhode Island, working as a teacher? I bet I would've been happy. Probably not as happy but still, happy. I could've taken that road and still ended up in a good place.
Basically, the whole point of this rambling post is that I have realized that the grass is green everywhere. My friend is lucky but so am I.

Life lesson learned.

Two Posts in 4 days! What!

Shocking I know. Another post. But man oh man do I have something too cute to keep to myself.

Ever since we found out little Adam was a boy, I have been beyond excited to dress my little guys in matching outfits- weird because I am pretty sure that as a young girl that was beyond cruel and unusual punishment to be dressed liked Shelly. But oh well- it's just what parents do. I have been constantly on the lookout for matching clothes and have had no luck until yesterday!

We went to Walmart and I found these adorable outfits and so the boys were matching at church today! Adorable right?

Mikey just loves Adam

 

Yeah, Adam is amazed at how big Jake's head looks too

Mikey is watching Treasure Planet. He was mad at me because I was standing between him and the tv. Heaven help the person that gets between that boy and his Treasure Planet. (half kidding, whole truth)

 

Also, unrelated to the pictures but a fun Mikey story. Today in Sunday School I was out in the hall walking Adam to sleep and I was right by the nursery (our ward building is not really made for 3 wards and that little hallway was the most peaceful place I could find) All of a sudden it was like some huge disaster hit in the nursery and it sounded like all the kids were crying so I walked over to the door to peek through the hole because I figure if Mikey is unhappy, I could go help out. Well, I look in the peephole and all the kids are bawling and laying on the floor as if its the end of the world and Mikey was in the corner, peacefully playing with a truck on the floor. Whatta kid huh?

Muffins and Vacuuming

 

 

Here are some pictures of my boys! They are both doing pretty great. I don't get to take as many pictures as I would like but I manage to capture some fun moments anyways.

 

Enjoy!

 

Mikey has been struggling with Jake working full time and freaks out when he leaves in the morning- every morning. I have been trying hard to distract him while Jake slips out so we made muffins the other day. Mikey stirred the batter and poured them into the cups.

The other day I asked Jake to vacuum up some food Mikey spilled- this is what I saw when I came into the living room. Jake really enjoys being a dad.

Tummy time bonding between boys!

 

Last night during my hour (every night I get one hour to do absolutely nothing while Jake does all the parenting) Jake was feeding Mikey and put Adam on the couch to "sit all by himself." Adam didn't love it, especially since gravity was not his friend.

Crying it Out.

What is with all the anti cry it out stuff that is going around?
Am I wrong or is this a new? It is possible that there has always been a controversy around this topic but I sure didn't notice it before maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago. Is it because I notice things about children and parenting more now that I have children? Who knows. All I know is I don't understand this. Especially when they get so intense. If you want to let your kid cry it out- by all means. If you don't want them to, then rock them to sleep every night, or try a different method of sleep training. (there has got to be more than one right?)
I personally found crying it out to be seriously effective with Mikey and fully plan on doing it again with Adam and all the other Logan children that will follow. Maybe that makes me a bad mom, who knows. I imagine that there are other things that I do that would push me into the bad parenting end of the spectrum- not intentionally of course. But whether I teach my kid to sleep by letting him cry or some other way, there should be no doubt in anyone's mind that I love my child. I don't let Mikey cry because I am an evil vindictive woman that gets her kicks from others sufferings. Nope, that's not it at all. I let Mikey cry because I want my son to be able to sleep by himself. I want my child to learn how to self soothe. I want my child to be independent and I just happen to think that crying is one way for them to learn it. ( I know that studies say that this actually leads to greater dependence and whiny and depressed kids but I think that has as much to do with personalities as learned behavior- but that is just Life According to Meredith- no fancy smancy studies prove my beliefs, not even things I have learned from parenting, just what I have heard from other parents that I happen to think are pretty great at it)
I have read a bunch of the studies because I was taught to learn as much as possible on both sides before I make up my mind- here's looking at you Pops, and I am unconvinced in either direction.  Maybe when my kids grow up there will be proof that letting babies cry it out is cruel and neglectful and causes all kinds of terrible side effects like lack of trust and depression and they won't do it anymore.But my parents did it, my grandparents did it (at least my dad's parents, not sure about my mom's) and my siblings do it too. And me, my siblings and my aunts and uncles are pretty great I think. I think Mikey trusts me and he certainly doesn't seem depressed. I think that I showed Mikey that I loved him and cared about him and he learned to trust me and knew that his needs were met before I ever let him cry it out. Also, I trust my dad, I trusted my mom. 
Just something I have been thinking about ya know? And since I spend all my time with a 17 month old and a 3 week old, this is my outlet. Turns out Mikey and Adam don't care about what I have read on crying it out. Strange huh?
Also, one last point- when I have cried myself to sleep, those were some of the best sleeps I have ever had. ;)

A Family of Four- finally.

I just love my brown eyed boys. Aren't they just so handsome?

Here is my brief update:

Jake- loves his job still; tired from the two kiddos; did Adam's baby blessing on Sunday- it was beautiful; 

Meredith- exhausted; sore; very excited to not be pregnant anymore; even more excited to file taxes- I kid you not, it's better than Christmas for me; started watching Grey's Anatomy while nursing- that show is crazy;

Mikey- starting to get more stubborn; always bumped and bruised; started nursery; knows his nose, ear, eye, foot, mouth, and head- most of the time; says mama, dada, moh (more), done, deah (yeah), do (no)- big fan of d's apparently;

Adam- slowly learning nights and days; champion of cluster feeds; sleeps in 4 or 5 hour periods; works his lungs pretty well; a mama's boy; has dark and amazing brown eyes;

This is what a family of 4 means to me- Jake laughing, me exhausted, Mikey screaming, and Adam starving. It's a pretty awesome life.

The only way to calm Mikey down is to tell him that Baby Adam needs him. He stops crying long enough to give a kiss and a little pat.

The famous baby tux! Adam was a little small for it. Thank you Grandma Jill.

A Baby Story

Disclaimer: This is a long post so if you skip the words and only look at the pictures, I won't judge- or even know.

Adam Pōki`i Logan

Born 4:08 am
20 inches

9lbs 1 oz

 

Doesn't he look so much like Mikey? I mean he is a lot bigger but still, crazy right? I had Jake take a picture of Adam on the scale just like Mikey so we could really see how similar they look.

Mikey Boy!
18.5 inches and 7lbs 6oz

Baby Adam!

So! Let me tell you all about this. On December 15 I was 39 weeks so I went into the hospital for an elective induction. I got in at about 7am and I was checked and at under 2 cm, posterior, and 70% effaced- not exactly the best start to an induction but I was still started on the pitocin.  My contractions started hard and fast at just the smallest dose and me and Jake were thrilled. We were going to have a baby! But by 3pm, I still hadn't progressed so they turned the pitocin off and once they started it again, the contractions never did. My doctor came in and told me that if I didn't start progressing in the next hour or so I was going to be sent home. Not going lie, as disappointed as I was, I was mostly just so ready to go home, eat and lay in my bed crying while Jake held me.

So we left at about 7pm. We bought sandwiches and Krispy Kremes and watched White Collar on the living room floor.

I cried for a few days.

I cramped and contracted too.

  I went into the clinic on December 26 and they told me I was scheduled for a... citatec? induction late at night, around 11 pm, on Friday the 28th and no matter what happened, we were coming home with a baby this time.

We arranged for Jake's brother and his wife to watch Mikey while we were at the hospital

Well Friday night we were eating dinner and playing a game and the hospital called and my induction time was changed until 8pm! Wahoo!

We got to the hospital a little after 8, I was checked and still only a measly 2 cm, 70% effaced and way off to the left this time. My nurse Jessica, who was fantastic, started the medicine with the plan that I would get a second dose in 3 hours, a third dose in 3 more and then after 4 hours, I would get started on the pitocin.  After 3 hours, I had progressed one cm so they did another dose and man oh man did that stuff hurt. After about an hour, at 1am,  I called the nurse for an epidural because the pain was just too much for me. Dr. Stephensen came in and he was great too. He gave me the epidural and told us all kinds of different stories about crazy labors which stressed out Jessica really bad so she got the labor cart all ready, just in case I started progressing too fast.

And what a good plan that was. The epidural was not working at all. I could feel my legs going numb but the contractions were just as bad, maybe worse. They figured that I was going too fast for the epidural to work. They checked me again and I was 4 cm. They called Dr Somers to come in and break my water, but she lives about 40 minutes away. The epidural still wouldn't work. He kept giving me booster shots and told us stories about his travels to try and distract me from the pain. Dr Somers got to the hospital about 35 minutes later and I was 5 cm. It was 3:15am, and she broke my water and the pain just would not stop. I was basically in tears. And then to add insult to injury, Adam's heart rate started getting really inconsistent. He didn't have enough oxygen to make it through my contractions that were coming about every 1 to 1.5 minutes. Nuts. They wanted to slow my labor down because Adam wasn't doing well and we needed more time between contractions for him to try to get more oxygen. They gave me a shot of some medicine but it didn't work at all. We were pretty nervous. They were constantly moving me around to try to get Adam into a better position and I finally told the nurse that I was in too much pain. We checked me again and I was 10 cm! I did 5 cm in 35 minutes. It was 3:50a and my doctors attending physician just got there (my doc is a resident so another doctor had to be in the delivery room with her). I started pushing at 4 which was such a relief because Adam couldn't get enough oxygen. I pushed for 6 or 7 minutes and then they told me that Adam had very mild shoulder distortia (?) which just means that his shoulders were too big. I had to push a lot harder (luckily my epidural was extremely effective- I couldn't even feel pressure- awesome!) and he came out. A little blue and his cord was double wrapped around his neck with a lot of fluid in his lungs.

But good news- they got it all out of his lungs, the cord was unwrapped, cut and Adam turned pink.

Now he is doing great! Big and great! Mom and Dad are seriously tired, since we didn't get to sleep at all before I delivered but it was worth it.

Now the fun part! Pictures!

Mikey is very intrigued by Adam already. Giving him a kiss!



Our most recent family picture! Mikey does really well with being gentle and just smiles at Adam all the time

Just checking him out before he goes in for another kiss. He wanted to hold Adam and he actually did really well, kept his hand under his head the whole time

Adam stole my bed. But look at how cute! Wide awake and everything!

Adam is doing really well. Big baby, big eater, good sleeper. Likes to cuddle up in Jake's arm just like Mikey did- Jake is excited about it.
I am doing well too. Sore but that is completely to be expected. He is a big baby after all.
Wish us luck on our new adventure.
Hope you all have a great New Years!

Merry Christmas!

Unfortunately I am still pregnant. But the silver lining on our little black rain cloud is that we got to spend Christmas at home with Mikey. (I was pretty worried that I would be in the hospital for Christmas and Jake said that we would just postpone Christmas if that was the case but his parents were in town and I felt like that wasn't fair to them, but luckily -well sort of lucky- we did not have to worry about it at all)

Mikey is sick so he wasn't as enthusiastic as we thought he would be but he got spoiled rotten. He got a book of 100 words from Uncle Jeff and Auntie Whitney which we opened first- bad idea because then he just wanted to play with the book instead of opening more presents. He got some cute pjs (there is a picture farther down), some onesies, a coloring book, board books, little cars which he also loves and they were seriously tough to open, a winter jacket, a vtech camera (which has successfully distracted him from my camera which is off limits), Horton Hears a Who, and a basketball hoop. From his aunts and uncles he got shoes from Aunty Liz- pictures will come eventually- he loves them, a snowman cup, and quite a few large noisy toys and we have no clue where they will fit but Mikey loves them so that's what counts.

Jake was equally spoiled with all his techy toys- a voltage meter, pliers, mini screwdrivers, soldering iron, a tv mount, all three seasons of White Collar, Green Lantern, Live Free or Die Hard, a coupon book, a face mask - Jake LOVES facials- and we got the Hobbit and the LOTR books from Jeff and Whit- very exciting.

I think I was the most spoiled (well not counting Mikey and Adam's toys from the grandparents). I got a cricut, vinyl, a shelf, Mortal Kombat- seriously so excited about these, all three seasons of Veronica Mars, the Mummy movies, really cute boots a 32 GB SD card, a box of turtles, a really awesome tripod and a new flash for my camera, and... I am forgetting something but you don't really care.

Besides all that, we got lots of clothes for both little kiddos, a crib (!! to be delivered Jan 3), gift cards to Costco, Walmart, and Target, a game called Munchkins, Adam got a plush toy, and a blanket.

We were extremely spoiled but honestly, the best part was getting to spend so much time as a family. Jake's job, which is still excellent, gave everyone almost two weeks off this Christmas and it has been so wonderful getting to have him around.

 

Our Christmas Tree! It was beautiful before Mikey got to it but he enjoyed it so much that I don't mind that it got messed up

Our stockings- we got lots of candies. :D

Mikey was a little crabby- but check out his stash.. It's mostly fruit snacks. He loves those Reese Cups though. He unwraps the foil but unless he gets to eat the paper he isn't interested in the candy. Weirdo.
Also, how adorable are those pjs? Seriously.

Jake with his m&m's

Probably the first picture of me in months- I never get picturs taken and you can't even see my pregnant belly- but this is me, 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. And I guarantee I am more tired than I look here.

Mikey LOVES his basketball hoop which I am so glad about. Look at how excited he is!

He is so good with it and he took to it right away. Jake showed him once and now everytime he sees the ball he dunks it. I am so proud. We are planning on him being the next Muggsy Bogues. :D

After presents we had a delightful little breakfast and spent the afternoon watching movies together. We finished the day at Jake's brothers house with his family eating dinner and opening the presents from Jake's family. It was a great Christmas and I love how different it feels with a little kid.

I hope you all had great days and be on the lookout for a baby post one of these days. We are hoping on any day now. Be excited- we make cute kids. ;)